Achieving the Art of Balance

Balance is a buzzword that gets tossed around quite often when advising others on how to succeed. The key to succeeding in life? Finding a balance between career and family. The key to succeeding in weight loss? Finding a balance between diet and exercise. The key to success in a relationship is no different - it's all about balance. And I speak from experience.

I can honestly say that the hardest time I have had during my relationship with Brian was our first year together. Aside from a few failed teen and pre-teen romances, Brian was my first true boyfriend (and as it turned out, my first and only true love).

I was so excited and so infatuated with him and just the fact that I even had a boyfriend, that I neglected other essential parts of my life, and as it turns out, essential elements of my happiness.

It was my freshman year of college when I should have been making new and lifelong friends and pursuing new and lifelong interests. But, I invested all my time and energy into Brian. My world revolved around him, as did my happiness, which proved to be detrimental to our budding relationship.

I failed to balance my boyfriend with my buddies. I'd always choose spending time with him over spending time with my friends, which resulted in very few new friendships and struggling old ones.

I finally came to an epiphany towards the end of my freshman year.

If Brian and I were ever going to have a shot at a successful relationship, I had to focus on not making him the center of my world.

It was time for me to become the center of my world and to focus on finding things outside of my relationship that would bring me a sense of contentment and fulfillment.

The easiest way for me to do this, it turned out, was to join a sorority. After all, I was in college, so why not take advantage of the opportunity to make an instant group of girlfriends. And not only was I able to make that group of friends, I have kept that group of friends - an everlasting bond that started with Greek life and transcended into real life (thanks Gamma Phi Beta)!

I completely believe that if I didn't discover that the only way to improve my relationship was to improve my life outside of it, Brian and I may not have had the successful relationship and marriage we have now.

It's unfair and unrealistic to depend on one person to make and keep you happy. You have to find happiness within yourself, and in favorite activities and fulfilling friendships. Once I was able to achieve the art of balance between Brian and the rest of my life, I was able to be part of a healthy and happy relationship.

I still have to keep myself in check at times and make sure I seize opportunities to be with my friends and family and to keep doing the activities I love that Brian may not.

Pouring the same amount of energy into the things and people I love that I do into the man and marriage I love has allowed me to create a life I love.

Quarter-Life Crisis

Writing this blog is not just about examining what it means to be a young wife, it's also about delving into what it means to be 25. Right now, the cliched quarter-life crisis seems to be plaguing me and many of my 20-something friends. 

Whether it's our romantic relationships, friendships or careers, it's just a really confusing time - almost like a second adolescence. It's a struggle between wanting to maintain our carefree youthfulness, and simultaneously wanting to progress into full-fledged adulthood - which could mean getting married, having kids, finding the right career, or all of the above.

For me, the right career thing rings a bell.

I'm so eager to find the job of my dreams, and since I've already found the man of my dreams I just have more time to obsess over what I truly want out of my career.

Currently, I'm a copywriter/editor in the marketing department of a real estate firm. I've been there for 2.5 years, and am learning a lot and growing personally and professionally. I love the people I work with and for the most part, I really like what I do because I'm writing and editing. But, I'd be lying if I didn't say something's missing.

It's like when you know you've found THE ONE. However contrived it sounds to say this...you just know. And I feel like that may be the case when it comes to finding the right job, the right career path...you just know.

I'm having all sorts of doubts and insecurities, yet there's a part of me that's complacent - not necessarily a good or bad thing. Sometimes I think - I love writing, and this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Other times, I think I want to make a drastic change, like going back to school to be a therapist or an interior designer.

I just always thought that at this point in my life I would know exactly what I want to do...and I really don't. I feel like it would be a shame to waste all of the experience I've acquired as a writer - plus, it's a lot easier to stick with what you know and what you're relatively good at, instead of starting with a clean slate, a blank resume.

I guess it's kind of like staying in a relationship you know isn't quite right because you're too afraid to find out what else is out there...because what if there isn't anything else out there? What if there's nothing better? Nothing more?

I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, so I guess there's some comfort in not being all alone in my quarter-life confusion. But it doesn't change the fact that I feel like I'm waiting for that moment when it all becomes clear, and I suddenly know what I want to do and what I'm meant to do.

Until then, I'm going to keep digging deep and asking myself and those who know me best what they think my next step should be. I know I'm young and I don't need to find my destiny right at this moment, but I'd kind of like it to find me. Especially now when it's just me, Brian and Gordon...no kids or huge financial responsibilities weighing us down.

If you have any tips or advice, your feedback is always welcome! Us quarter-lifers need all the guidance we can get.

Don't Hate The Player, Hate The Gaming

I'd like to take this opportunity to walk you through a "Honey, I'm home" scenario I encounter quite frequently upon entering the Johnson household.

Me: "Honey, I'm home!" (or some variation of that)

Gordon: Barks and wags his tail incessantly and/or runs and jumps up to greet me with kisses as I walk into the house (aren't dog's just wonderful?).

Brian: Sounds of bombs and bullets from Call of Duty coming out of the office, yet nothing coming out of his mouth. (If it wasn't for the loud shooting, I wouldn't even know he was there!)

Depending on what mood I'm in, I'll eventually walk to Brian's desk, where he is firmly (sometimes seemingly permanently) planted in front of his computer, and I'll greet him with a big fat kiss - that's when I'm in a good mood. I might also make him feel guilty for not dropping everything when I walk through the door to, at the very least, give me a hug. But he knows, I'm just teasing (kind of).

Well, the other day I was clearly not in the mood to be ignored.

I decided that when he didn't respond to my "Honey, I'm home" call, I would punish him with the silent treatment. I had resolved not to speak to him until I was finally spoken to.

That resulted in us not talking for a whopping 20 MINUTES!

I was fuming - blood boiling, anger rising in my chest with each passing second.

When I get in these fits (which can usually only be brought on my my mom and bros *I love you guys though* and now my husband), I begin to ruminate on all of the other latent frustrations I haven't addressed because they were no big deal at the time...until now, when my inner bitch is unleashed!

I started to get angry that Brian hadn't been pitching in with our household duties as much, especially cooking. We had been getting into a routine of me shopping for, planning and preparing every meal with no extra assistance from the hubs. And, I'm actually happy to take care of most of the meals because he needs me to when he's working late, and who doesn't love to be needed and help out their loved ones in any way they can?

HOWEVER, if he's playing video games when I get home, it would be nice for him to press pause and have dinner ready or at least in prepping stage, so we can finish it up together.

We both work hard, we both have full time jobs, so we both have to pitch in.

If I was a Real Housewife of Fountain Valley, with nothing to do but get pampered and gallivant about town with Gordon and my girlfriends, then I would have no problem whatsoever keeping up the household by myself. But, alas, I am pretty freiken far from living the RHOFV lifestyle, so Brian and I have to share the responsibilities that come with making sure we have a healthy, happy home and a healthy, happy family. At least until I'm able to become a RHOFV.

Anywhoo, back to why I wrote this blog post in the first place.

So, 20 MINUTES of silence and simultaneous blood boiling later, Brian finally comes in the bedroom, where I'm gathering up the ever-growing pile of laundry, and he has the nerve to say, ever so sweetly – as if I hadn't been home for a WHOLE 20 MINUTES before he acknowledged my existence – "Hi Babe! How are you, my love?"

Sorry bubs, that greeting was oh about 20 MINUTES too late.

I try to resist the urge to instantly forgive and forget as he showers me with I'm sorry sweetness. And, I didn't give in (self high five!). Instead, I explained to him that he:

a) Needs to at least respond to me when I come home - no need to leave his chair

AND

b) Needs to get back on track with helping me around the house, especially when it comes to cooking and especially if he wants a little more variety than what I've been serving up.

See, since I now control the vast majority of our meals, about 95% of them consist of Trader Joes frozen fare. They're easy, they're tasty and they're low in Weight Watchers points, so I can eat them on the daily.

But, I imagine - since he grew up with delicious food prepared by his Martha Stewart-like mother, he wouldn't mind mixing things up a bit.

It's a week later now, and I'm seeing small but promising changes in hub's behavior. He brought dinner in for us last Wednesday, mowed the lawn on Sunday and walked Gordon and emptied the dishwasher last night.

We're learning (as many married couples tend to do) that everything in our lives must be a team effort. Besides, we work better when we're working together.

Also, another important takeaway for you husbands out there, don't forget the age-old but ever-true adage: Happy Wife, Happy Life!

Brian, Me and The Almighty TV

Brian and I watch a lot of TV. In fact, the majority of our post-work hours are spent on the couch catching up on our favorite shows or perusing random movies and documentaries on Netflix.

This may seem like a big, fat waste of our precious free time when we could be committing ourselves to being productive and checking items off our vast and varied daily domestic to-do list: paying bills, mopping floors, folding laundry, cleaning toilets...but who wants to do that after a long, laborious day at work?

I don't know about you, but I need my rest. My brain needs a break from the worries and cares of my life, so I can focus on the lives of my fictional friends (shout out to Liz Lemon)!

Brian's drug of choice for unwinding after a long work day used to be playing computer games and only that. When we moved in together though, we soon realized that he needed to hop on my TV-watching bandwagon pronto because that would be our only means of spending quality time with each other during the week. That and walking Gordon together, of course.

God knows that was a more realistic solution than getting me to become a gamer. I mean...common.

Although I have not morphed into the Call of Duty playing, dragon slaying gamer girl of his dreams, I think Brian would agree that I have been pretty awesome about keeping an open mind to his TV series selections.

Who would have thought I'd become a die-hard Dexter fanatic? A zealous, zombie apocalypse-obsessed Walking Dead devotee, or even an Archer enthusiast? Although the Archer thing is more about the deal we worked out in which Brian must give me unlimited back scratches throughout the duration of that screwball cartoon comedy.

Looking forward to watching those shows every week has played an integral part of building the everlasting bond between Brian and I. Sharing the shock and laughter that lasts beyond the actual episodes and injects itself into our daily lives through our inside jokes connects us just as much as any other activity we partake in together and make memories from.

Of course, I still need my mindless Monday nights spent watching The Bachelor with my buddies, Sarah and Lauren, and Brian still needs to blow off steam by blowing up imaginary things on his computer screen.

But, there's something so special and satisfying about Brian and I sharing the suspense of what will happen on the next season of Dexter, whether the walkers will finally overtake Rick Grimes and his bad ass band of survivors, if Liz Lemon can ever successfully tame the incessant insanity of Jenna Maroney and Tracy Jordan under the watchful eye of her mentor, Jack Donaghy.

These characters have been inextricably weaved into the fabric of our lives, bringing Brian and I closer through their fascinating, albeit fictional stories. And for that, I am forever grateful.

FAQs: "So, How's Married Life?"

Getting married has arguably been the most significant and newsworthy event in my life recently. Because of this, the question I most frequently get asked by friends, family, coworkers and acquaintances when we're shooting the shit and getting caught up is, "So, how's married life?" usually followed up by, "Is it any different than your life before?"

Well, after almost six months of marriage and a careful compare/contrast analysis of our relationship before and after the wedding, my answer is, "Being married is different, and I love it!"

Of course, this may not be the case for all the recently, happily married folks, but I feel like our relationship has become more compassionate and more caring. We're sweeter to each other, perhaps because we made a promise to ourselves (in the eyes of the almighty law) to spend the rest of our lives together and being assholes at this point would most likely make for a very miserable marriage. I think we are also sweeter to each other because now that we're married, our relationship is way more relaxed.

I'm more independent, less insecure, and Brian's more communicative and less distant. Most of our arguments pre-marriage were based on my belief that Bri didn't want to spend enough time with me, but now that I know for sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, I'm free from that insecurity. Which means I'm free to spend more time with friends when Bri's not in tow. I'm free to spend a weekend in the valley catching up with my parents. I'm free to pursue my own passions and hobbies and then share all of my separate experiences with Brian and vice versa - enriching our lives together by having lives of our own.

I think at this point, especially after planning a wedding together (which was absolutely and unexpectedly one of the most challenging things we've been through as a couple), we've really grown to appreciate and even try to embody the qualities we love about one another. I really am in awe of Brian's intelligence, ingenuity and can-do-anything attitude, and those qualities in him are endlessly attractive and endlessly intriguing to me.

So, now that we're almost half a year into our marriage, I can wholeheartedly say that I have never been happier in our relationship than now, and I only hope the sentiment stays with both of us in good times and in bad for as long as we both shall live.

The Couple Who Gets Sick Together, Sticks Together

Over 100-degree fevers, chills, muscle aches and pains, runny noses, hacking coughs - just another night at the Johnson's!

Pretty much like everyone else in the country, Brian and I came down with the flu a few weeks back. Actually, after giving me a healthy dose of TLC (in between a little indoor shooting here and a little gaming there), the sickness struck Brian too. To add to his misery, the lucky guy got it while he was away in Orlando for work.

Even though we were at our shittiest (looking and feeling), sharing the flu had the strange affect of creating a deeper sense of intimacy between us. Besides the waiting on each other and spending the majority of our time together while we avoided the outside world, there's something about seeing one another at our grossest - snot and sweat pouring everywhere - that allowed us to experience what love and marriage are all about: taking care of your sweetie when they're at their most vulnerable.

Yes, we were basically zombies most of the time - pretty much only able to sit on our asses and watch an endless stream of television while blowing our noses and coughing up our lungs - but that's something I can't do even with my closest friends.

My mom always says absence makes the heart grow fonder (a saying that sounds like nails on a chalkboard to me after hearing it millions of times), but the fact that Brian was away for almost three days while we had the flu made my heart ache as much as the rest of my body. I was lonely (except for the loyal and loving companionship of my beloved beagle) and depressed.

And to top things off, the power went out while Brian was gone...just my luck. Okay, it was only for a total of 30 minutes when I got home from work, but really there's nothing lonelier than being by yourself in the dark. Needless to say, when Brian came home to me and Gordon, stuffy nose, sore throat and all, I couldn't have been happier - I would have jumped on him if I could!

I used to want to be left alone when I was feeling my worst, but now part of the recovery process for me is spending time with the hubby. Well, that and NyQuil...lots and lots of NyQuil.

Trading Sex and the City for Marriage and the Suburbs

When I started watching Sex and the City in seventh grade, I thought I wanted to grow up to be Carrie Bradshaw.

I wanted to be a writer, I wanted to live in Manhattan, and I wanted to have love stories worth telling to the world.

Well, much like my dreams of being a preteen popstar, my dreams of being Carrie Bradshaw didn't quite come true.

What probably changed the course of my wannabe Sex and the City life most was the fact that I met my husband, Brian, during my first weekend of college.

I had envisioned that college would be my coming out period. Coming out as a single girl on the prowl, that is. I even got a head start on the college dating scene by signing up for Facebook and proceeding to friend any guy who was a) cute and b) a freshman at UCI. Turns out what I thought would be the start of my romantic renaissance, filled with a lot of new guys and  a lot of new adventures, turned into the beginning of my life with Brian – maybe just one guy, but still plenty of adventures.

I friended him (among many others), he messaged me, we talked until September came around, and then we met the first weekend after school started. Now we're married and although I didn't turn out to be Carrie, I'm pretty damn happy.

But just because I'm not single (and haven't been for over seven years), doesn't mean I don't have stories. Some are about me, some are about my married friends and some are about my single ones (that I enjoy living vicariously through).

It's taken me a while, but I've finally discovered that when it comes to love and relationships, you don't need Sex and the City to make things interesting.