Balance is a buzzword that gets tossed around quite often when advising others on how to succeed. The key to succeeding in life? Finding a balance between career and family. The key to succeeding in weight loss? Finding a balance between diet and exercise. The key to success in a relationship is no different - it's all about balance. And I speak from experience.
I can honestly say that the hardest time I have had during my relationship with Brian was our first year together. Aside from a few failed teen and pre-teen romances, Brian was my first true boyfriend (and as it turned out, my first and only true love).
I was so excited and so infatuated with him and just the fact that I even had a boyfriend, that I neglected other essential parts of my life, and as it turns out, essential elements of my happiness.
It was my freshman year of college when I should have been making new and lifelong friends and pursuing new and lifelong interests. But, I invested all my time and energy into Brian. My world revolved around him, as did my happiness, which proved to be detrimental to our budding relationship.
I failed to balance my boyfriend with my buddies. I'd always choose spending time with him over spending time with my friends, which resulted in very few new friendships and struggling old ones.
I finally came to an epiphany towards the end of my freshman year.
If Brian and I were ever going to have a shot at a successful relationship, I had to focus on not making him the center of my world.
It was time for me to become the center of my world and to focus on finding things outside of my relationship that would bring me a sense of contentment and fulfillment.
The easiest way for me to do this, it turned out, was to join a sorority. After all, I was in college, so why not take advantage of the opportunity to make an instant group of girlfriends. And not only was I able to make that group of friends, I have kept that group of friends - an everlasting bond that started with Greek life and transcended into real life (thanks Gamma Phi Beta)!
I completely believe that if I didn't discover that the only way to improve my relationship was to improve my life outside of it, Brian and I may not have had the successful relationship and marriage we have now.
It's unfair and unrealistic to depend on one person to make and keep you happy. You have to find happiness within yourself, and in favorite activities and fulfilling friendships. Once I was able to achieve the art of balance between Brian and the rest of my life, I was able to be part of a healthy and happy relationship.
I still have to keep myself in check at times and make sure I seize opportunities to be with my friends and family and to keep doing the activities I love that Brian may not.
Pouring the same amount of energy into the things and people I love that I do into the man and marriage I love has allowed me to create a life I love.
